Proof of Our Miracle

I had never been in the room during a woman's gynecological exam, nor did I waste any time thinking about when such an event might occur in my life. Well, for good or ill, this is how I will always remember our first ultrasound: preceded by a pap smear. I hope no one thinks it odd of me for wanting to go check out what the doctor was doing down there. Maybe I could have used it as doctor shadowing experience! At any rate, hopefully you are all willing to discount it as the type of healthy curiosity anyone desiring to enter the medical field should have.

After all of that weirdness was complete we moved on to the exciting part!

Seeing our baby for the first time was such a great experience. It's amazing how much we are able to see, however grainy and pixilated the image is, when the growing embryo is still so small. The doctor pointed out the heartbeat. Which wasn't much much more than a small blur somewhere in the middle of the light grayish blob that, as it turns out, is our baby's torso.

In retrospect, I though that the prevailing emotion would be excitement upon seeing our baby and even though I felt plenty of excitement I think that the predominant emotion turned out to be relief. Relief that the doctor declared the pregnancy a success so far, relief that the baby is developing on schedule and relief that Heidi's symptoms are well within the normal ranges of discomfort.

I expected that seeing the ultrasound would be what I needed to make this surreal experience feel more tangible, yet it only feels slightly more impending than it did 11 weeks ago. I do like looking at the pictures, though! I like the one where the little bones are visible in the hand.

We left the doctors office and went to the Jordan River Temple to do a session, which seemed like the perfect thing to do.

What a miracle it all is. What a miracle that our baby is so small and even though it will double in size several times over before he or she enters the world, the baby will still seem so small when we are blessed to be able to hold them. What a miracle that when we finally have this person in our daily lives we will wonder how we ever lived without them. What a miracle that our happiness, joy and satisfaction in our lives from now on will be so tightly linked to this inch and a half long, strawberry sized human growing in Heidi's belly. What a miracle that we are connected to them forever. What a miracle that I haven't said or done anything yet that has consigned me to a life of sleeping on the couch.

In reality (with the generosity of Kim and Mary in giving us their old couches) the real miracle is, considering all the peeing Heidi has to do in the middle of the night, that she actually returns to bed and doesn't detour to the couches.

Our First Ultra Sound

We finally had our first doctors appointment last week. I felt like that day would never come. A couple of my friends loved their doctor so I thought I would give him a try. His name is Doctor Terry and his office is at the new IMC hospital in Murray. He was so great, and I couldn't help but like him. Thanks Kelly and Katrina!

We anticipated this appointment with a lot of excitement and nervousness as we hoped for the best news. Luckily Doctor Terry gave us the news we were looking for.

What an amazing feeling it was to actually see our little baby's heart beat! Everything seems to be progressing well right now so that is good news.

This pregnancy has felt real to me for quite sometime but seeing this little baby inside of me made me appreciate this gift my Heavenly Father has given me even more. What a blessing it is to be a woman and be able to carry mine and Adam's child. This is such a great time in life!

I am 10 weeks pregnant and in four weeks I will be in the second trimester. Yay! Our baby is 1 1/2 inches long and weighs about as much as a large strawberry and yet I have gained 4lbs. Where does all the weight come from? It has been fun to feel my belly change even though I don't look cute in anything right now. My clothes are getting a little bit snugger and my bra... Well, lets just say I can't breathe by the end of the day because of it. It is looking like I need to do a little shopping for some unmentionables.

Our first doctors appointment is in exactly a week. We are so excited and can't wait to hear our little baby's heart beat. Adam has been such a great support to me. He has been reading a book called "Dad's Pregnant Too" and is interested in every little thing that is going on with my body. He is always one to do whatever he can to make me feel better or more comfortable. He deals with my mood swings which I am sad to say that I have many. He is always telling me how beautiful I am and how he thinks that he is a lucky guy. Well I am defintely the lucky one. I married the best man who is my best friend and is going to be the most amazing father, I feel so blessed.

I have my ups and downs with being pregnant. I want to love everything about being pregnant because I have been so excited for this moment in my life. But it is really hard to love being sick and to love waking up 4 times, sometimes 5 times, a night to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I get killer headaches and I feel like I am so unmotivated and it can be depressing at times. But I love knowing that these are all very good signs that our baby is growing and I take comfort in that. I know that I don't have morning sickness nearly as bad some women have it so I am very grateful for that and feel blessed that I get to carry our baby.

Funny story: Adam knows that I just haven't been sleeping well at all and the other morning he wakes up and says "I have just been sleeping so good lately!" What?! Did he really just say that? I just thought it was funny because I complain everyday how much I miss sleep at night (which I might as well get used to because I notice how tired new mom's are). Adam works really hard between work and school and taking care of his sick wife that he really deserves to have a good night sleep.

Its a girl? or two?

There isn't much speculating about gender going on around here. Heidi barely entertains the though that our child could in fact be a boy. "We're having a girl," she says, "or two!" Even though having twins is only the most remote possibility. It's just as well, I suppose; we only have girl names picked out and I haven't been able to give any real approval to any boy names. We have all but committed our minds to having a girl. I hope a son won't be too upset that we referred to him as "she" during the first three months of his gestation.

The reality of an embryo growing into a baby inside Heidi's stomach just waiting to join us in mortality and completely destroy my concept of reality is beginning to sink in. I can't think of anything more exciting! Perhaps I'll be more nervous as the fateful day approaches (in fact, I'm sure that the pit in my stomach will begin to form soon enough) but for now I am filled with joy and gratitude that Heidi is pregnant and we will have the opportunity to be parents and welcome a child into our eternal family.

On Sunday, I showed up to church (Heidi and I go to church separately on the Sunday's I have to work) and Heidi was holding a toddler. I found out that his parents were speaking in church and that we were watching him during the meeting. It surprised me how much I enjoyed having the sticky appendaged booger factory there with us. I decided two things as I fed him Cheerio's from the mouth of a dinosaur: First, say goodbye to listening to the talks in sacrament meeting for a decade or so; and second, what a fun adventure we are going to have!

Here is my perspective so far. Already, fatherhood has become the most significant form of leadership I have ever undertaken. As with any type of leadership it is incumbent on the leader to be a wise, competent and prepared guide. In order cram for the fatherhood "exam" I have suddenly been using my time more wisely. I listen to talks, not sports radio, in the car. I memorize scriptures while I walk to and from class. When my alarm goes off, sometimes at 4:00 AM, and all I want to do is go back to sleep, the thought of our child is now a potent spur to getting me to climb over Heidi and get in the shower instead of migrating to the couch. My commitment to love and care for Heidi has deepened. I am more motivated than ever to be the absolute best I can be so that my wife and my child can rely on me for deep love and continued support.

Those have been my thoughts as of late. Aside from watching Heidi go through almost constant nausea and having to change some of my habits as to not upset the fragile emotional state of my wife this is how pregnancy has changed my life.

Catching on?

I think I have given my parents a few clues that we might be pregnant. My mom keeps asking me "Are you trying to tell me something?" Ever since I have been married I have joked with my family that I am pregnant (almost everytime I see them). The last time I told them my Dad says that he actually believes me now.
Here are the clues:

1. We want their couches and we told them if they give them to us we would give them a grandchild or $50. They picked a grandchild.

2. We told them that we are planning on moving into a two bedroom and I guess that is a big sign to them.

3. I called my mom and told her a girl name I like which is Claire Imelda (which is my grandpa's and grandma's middle names) and she again asked "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Well, we are pregnant and maybe I have told them a little too much but we really want their couches and I knew that I would have to negotiate a little bit. I figured the only way the couches would fit is if we had a two bedroom place.

We really love the name Claire Imelda and will have to add it to our list of girl names which seem to come so easily. On the other hand boy names that we like are few and far between.

Morning Sickness...Arrrgghh

Not fun, right? Who knew I could be so unmotivated and lay on the couch seriously all day long. I really started to wonder how some women function while they are pregnant. I get really hungry and sick but I don't want to eat anything because nothing sounds good (sound familiar?). On the other hand I am so very grateful that I am having these pregnancy symptoms and that I know there is a little baby inside of me. In fact, if I have a day that I feel good I get all worried that something is wrong; but I don't want to spend my pregnancy worrying and I have to leave it in my Heavenly Fathers hands.

Ok back to my symptoms I have been getting really sick in the night and just haven't been sleeping well. So after doing a little research I found that if you eat a protein before you go to bed it will help relieve some of that morning sickness. Thank goodenss it works! I have a spoon full or two of peanut butter (with a little bit of honey) before bed and I haven't been getting sick at all the past few nights. I still don't sleep very well but I might as well get used to it.

We have our first Doctors appointment in 3 weeks I am soooo excited!!!