Its a girl? or two?

There isn't much speculating about gender going on around here. Heidi barely entertains the though that our child could in fact be a boy. "We're having a girl," she says, "or two!" Even though having twins is only the most remote possibility. It's just as well, I suppose; we only have girl names picked out and I haven't been able to give any real approval to any boy names. We have all but committed our minds to having a girl. I hope a son won't be too upset that we referred to him as "she" during the first three months of his gestation.

The reality of an embryo growing into a baby inside Heidi's stomach just waiting to join us in mortality and completely destroy my concept of reality is beginning to sink in. I can't think of anything more exciting! Perhaps I'll be more nervous as the fateful day approaches (in fact, I'm sure that the pit in my stomach will begin to form soon enough) but for now I am filled with joy and gratitude that Heidi is pregnant and we will have the opportunity to be parents and welcome a child into our eternal family.

On Sunday, I showed up to church (Heidi and I go to church separately on the Sunday's I have to work) and Heidi was holding a toddler. I found out that his parents were speaking in church and that we were watching him during the meeting. It surprised me how much I enjoyed having the sticky appendaged booger factory there with us. I decided two things as I fed him Cheerio's from the mouth of a dinosaur: First, say goodbye to listening to the talks in sacrament meeting for a decade or so; and second, what a fun adventure we are going to have!

Here is my perspective so far. Already, fatherhood has become the most significant form of leadership I have ever undertaken. As with any type of leadership it is incumbent on the leader to be a wise, competent and prepared guide. In order cram for the fatherhood "exam" I have suddenly been using my time more wisely. I listen to talks, not sports radio, in the car. I memorize scriptures while I walk to and from class. When my alarm goes off, sometimes at 4:00 AM, and all I want to do is go back to sleep, the thought of our child is now a potent spur to getting me to climb over Heidi and get in the shower instead of migrating to the couch. My commitment to love and care for Heidi has deepened. I am more motivated than ever to be the absolute best I can be so that my wife and my child can rely on me for deep love and continued support.

Those have been my thoughts as of late. Aside from watching Heidi go through almost constant nausea and having to change some of my habits as to not upset the fragile emotional state of my wife this is how pregnancy has changed my life.